咨询服务:

留学计划
申请步骤
留美信息动态
  - 美国教育动态
- 美国大学排名
- 留美常见问题
- 学科专业介绍

 选择你想开始的学习计划:

申请大学本科 College
申请硕士研究生Graduate
申请博士生 Doctor

美国顶尖大学的录取评估标准


 服务项目

选择申请专家为你服务:
Select a program to which you are applying: you are applying:
个人陈述修改服务
Personal Statement
个人陈述的专业编辑和修改
推荐信修改服务
Letter of Recommendation
推荐信的专业编辑和修改
小短文修改服务
short essays
初稿每篇300字以内;定稿每篇150字以内
奖学金申请文书修改服务
Scholarship Essay
您的专业编辑为您的奖学金申请文书打造出闪亮的形象
折扣服务
discount service
同时编辑和修改多份文书就能得到优惠折扣价
打包服务
package service
申请一所大学所需要的全部文书的修改







林林新闻

优质文书智夺高额奖学金
发布者:林林留学顾问 发布时间:2010-7-20 阅读:1965

从被爱到能爱 他完成了质的飞跃
    邱同学,长沙市雅礼中学毕业。托福73分,ACT23分,递交的个人申请材料内容一般,缺乏亮点。丹佛大学每年申请的人数众多,面对残酷的竞争,学校招生委员会的官员们往往就会忽略成绩,更为看重申请者所提交的申请材料。为了让邱同学在名校申请竞争中遥遥领先,如愿跨入美国顶尖大学之门,林林留学顾问精心为他制作申请文书,让他通过文书脱颖而出。
    在文书创作过程中,顾问团队从邱同学的人生经历中不断挖掘闪光点,制作了体现他的心路成长历程和丰富课外活动经历的文书。林林和刘茁松老师对申请文书层层把关,历经一稿、二稿,甚至到了七、八遍修改,力争在申请文书中把邱同学的所有优点最完美地展示出来。文书中文定稿后,再交由美国当地教育界升学顾问翻译。
    邱同学的申请文书递送到美国后深深的打动了校方。在顾问团队的共同努力之下,美国名校丹佛大学向邱同学抛出了橄榄枝,发出了录取通知单。丹佛大学还决定给予邱世民每年14,000美元(包括$11,000学费奖励及$3,000住房补贴)的高额奖学金,四年共计56,000美元。这是湖南学子申请美国名校获得高额奖学金的一个典型例子。
   以下是邱同学PS内容:
 
从被爱到能爱
    月圆之夜,我站在这条长长的小坡上,认真地回顾这些年来我走过的不平凡的岁月。三年前的那个夜晚,父亲的背影正是从这条小坡的尽头消失的。他毅然做出了与母亲离婚的决定。一切都来得这么突然,我曾试图拼命拉住他,可他最终还是走了。那一刻,我感觉支撑自己天空的支柱将摇摇欲坠,而母亲也久坐沙发,抽噎不止。那一天,正是八月十五,夜空中的月亮很圆,好像要安慰我们的忧伤。
    父亲的突然离去使我和母亲的生活顿时陷入困顿之中,我必须坦然面对自己的家庭,帮助母亲挑起一部分家庭的重负。于是,每到周末我都会去打工挣钱。起初的一年里,因年纪小,我只能早起卖报,午后蹲在小学门口摆些零食类小地摊。在我们这个很爱面子的社会里,做这些事让人看起来不够体面,我感到有些难堪。另外,父母的离异也在我内心留下了一道深深的伤疤。在生活与心理的双重压力下,我的学习成绩开始有些下滑。
    经过一年的调整与适应,我从惶恐与沮丧中走了出来。与此同时,我对于母亲的爱心也在上升。我爱母亲,我渴望让她重回正常的生活轨道。每天放学回家,除了为母亲分担家务,我总会讲一些学校里的趣事给她听,让她开心;在母亲即将入睡前,我也会悄悄去到她的房门前看看她是否已经入睡,然后,我才会安心地回到书桌前继续学习。母亲生日的那天——那是母亲离婚后的第一个生日,我为她备上一束盛开的郁金香花,我看到了也听到了母亲的惊喜。
    渐渐地,母亲在我的帮助下拾回了那份对于生活的信心与激情。经过半年的调研、策划、选址,我和母亲在学校附近开了一家长沙湘菜饭店。每到放学后,我总会去饭店帮忙:招呼客人,清点账目,偶尔还会跑到大老远的地方去采购食品蔬菜。我们同心协力,生意越来越好,我的很多同学和老师都成为了我们的老主顾。母亲已经走出了离婚的阴影,我们母子间的情感更深,同时,我的成绩也一直稳步保持在年级前20名。此外,我的课外生活也越来越丰富。08年,我在学校组建了奥运行者社团,招募了300名会员,给贫困山区的孩子们提供义务教学,还送去了篮球、羽毛球等体育用品。这一系列充满爱的活动,在学校产生了巨大的影响。
    假如说,父母离异前,我习惯于接受爱,那么,离异后的生活,我开始更多地付出爱。三年来,我学会了爱,学会了爱母亲,也学会了理解父亲和爱父亲。这些体验留在我的记忆深处,让我的心灵变得更加丰富,让我增添了转危为安的力量。
 
以下为PS英文版:
   

Love—from taking to giving

In a moonlit night, I was standing at a cold sloping hill, looking back at the extraordinary days that had happened to my family.  Just three years ago, my father disappeared from a dark night and from our eye sight. It was at that time and on that same spot that my father made an irrevocable decision to divorce my mother.  Everything came so unexpected and unprepared that I didn’t know what to do.  All I could do, instinctively, was to hold tightly to the arms of my father, asking him to stay with us.  But what I did was in vain: he did not listen to me, but his eyes betrayed his mind: he left me not because he did not love me but because he had something beyond my understanding.  At that moment, I threw myself into a couch, feeling the sky was falling.  I saw my mother’s tearful face and sobbing eyes, but she tried hard to hide her delicate feelings away from me.  That was a full-moon night, a time for families to be together. 

Father’s sudden departure plunged mother and me deep into a chaos, way too much for a boy of 12, but I was feeling not as a boy any more, but a young adult overnight. Immediately I knew what it would mean to me as the son of a divorced and helpless woman: I would have to share the burden along with her!   Since then, my friends and neighbors could find me not in the play ground with other kids of similar age, but in the streets selling newspapers and snacks.  Just imagine yourself living in an ego-esteemed society, and imagine yourself in a stall earning a meager income.  At first, I could hardly adjust myself, but I kept telling myself that I had no choice and that my mother relied on my help.  The divorce left an indelible scar in the mind of my childhood, a scar that carried its impacts on my studies and my social life.  Very soon, my school performance was beginning to deteriorate, under the physical and psychological stress. 

After a year, I finally walked out of the shadow of depression and disappointment.  Meanwhile, the affection for my mother was increasing.  I was praying and hoping that she would get back to normal.  After daily school dismissal, the first thing I would do was to go straight home and share all the family chores to relieve mother’s burden.  I would try to make up some interesting things to comfort her, I would tell her the white lie that father would return.  I would refuse to go to bed until she retired for the night first.  Only after I saw her in sleep could I have the peace of mind to return to my desk, burning my midnight oil for school assignments. The first birthday happened to be the annual anniversary of the miserable divorce, and on that special birthday of my mother’s, I gave her a sweet surprise by a whole bunch of tulip and decoration of her room.  For the first time since the divorce, I saw an elusive smile on her sad face. 

Step by step, mother regained the lost confidence and passion for life.  After half a year’s of adjustment, relocation and planning, mother and I pulled all the scarce resources together to open a small restaurant named “Changsha Cuisine—love lost and regained.”  Each day after school break, I would help her around in the restaurant, counting bills and greeting customers, sometimes even running business errands.  Because of our friendliness and good terms, in addition to tasty food, our business was booming.  Many of my school mates became our frequent patronager.  During the period of the divorce, mother and I depended on each other and the bonding was becoming inseparable.  Soon I was earning better grades in school and stabilized myself in the top 20 out of 55.  I was finding more pleasure in the diversified extra curriculum activities.  I am still taking great pride in the organization of a civil society for the assistance of the Beijing Olympic Games.  Because of my initiative, we successfully recruited about 300 members and donated our earnings to the financially needed children in the poor regions. 

It is fair to say, before the divorce, that I used to take love from others for granted; it is also fair enough to conclude that I am now ready to give love, “thanks giving” after the divorce.  In the three years, I have learned what love is and how to express my gratitude in a restricted sense and a broad sense.  Love for others is not limited to your parents, but to people around you, without expecting a return from others.  That is my understanding of the essence of love and that understanding has helped me tide over the family crisis . 

 

 

 




 © LinLinedu.com, Inc. 2009-2013. All Rights Reserved.
地址:湖南省长沙市芙蓉区五一大道158号潇湘国际1603室(地铁2号线袁家岭站往东100米)

热线:0731-85551056  85551055

QQ:2809984897

邮箱:linlin@linlinedu.com

网址:www.linlinedu.com

人人网账号:林林留学


 

本站关键词:

林林留学顾问 《亲历美国高考》作者,
林林留学文书留学文书写作留学文书美国留学美国留学申请,留学申请,留学申请书

留学全程服务(湖南省专业留学文书策划中心,绝无抄袭及模板,修改三遍以上至您100%满意)网站技术支持:同步文化传播

ICP备案号:湘09015689号